Niji-no-Amai

And I knew it because he told me I had a vision of myself cold fog, left lonesome wishing, thinking of him in the span of a flinch sat across from him He hung a token of my affection for him upside down, dead, dried in his kitchen a trophy it hurt to see why was I here? my heart shouldn't be here After he told me I stood in the rain, in the frigid wind trying to find a way home I thought I saw him pass I thought he saw me I thought he felt satisfied deep breaths were all I could do my heart slid down my ribs my stomach leapt I knew before I knew why did I let myself trust it? because I wanted it to be true I knew it wasn't

it was that sudden flicker of something in my chest the warmth rushing to my cheeks and I was frightened again it must have been that smile he showed me the time he placed aside for me my starving heart mistook his gesture of warmth for something more and I'm so cold and I know better and I am afraid already I've felt myself unravelling my heart seems so angry I feel it every day wanting to escape my chest wanting me to find him wanting me to be with him but I know better every time I've fallen I found myself alone on the floor staring at the ceiling with stale tears in my eyes asking misery if it loves me after everyone I had loved didn't choose me as I watched each of their warm expressions fade misery found me but being with misery doesn't feel good misery tells me I'm no good for anyone misery tells me I have nothing to offer anyone misery tells me I'm better off alone misery tells me to stay miserable I smile and I listen, as he tells me of who he's chosen I laugh and I

Loving reflected in the heat when they said, "loving is a bloodsport" I knew I was only on a losing streak because I refused to claim victims instead broke, and watched my heart leak and maybe I'd been less than graceful spit and spiteful at each mistake still, I took every blow leaned into each fall swallowed myself in heartache and I know I'm not perfect when With unsteady hands I don't feel like standing on my own two feet, but I wanted to swim in their oceans pass the time sitting in their shallows lay basking in their heat did I drink too heavily from you, love when I thought the morning was too bright did I take from you what was heaven, love what was left was a trip, a fall from height what I found on the ground was warm, too fear and loathing, hot black fuel I'm not proud of who I was then

Gold and Lead are nothing when you find yourself seeing so much gold in someone and all they seem to see in you is lead heart after passing heart it's difficult not to see it, too precious, poison, lonely because I thought your smile was soft and bright something so precious, heat rising in my face in your company, I wished that warmth for you to your subtle shadows and your storms I felt red but reflected in your eyes I saw myself sick and blue precious, poison, lonely I can be made to look so foolish providing them shelter, trying to colour their walls waiting for the day they'll paint over me because the longer I'm here I'm poison don't breathe wrong, don't lead me on if it hurt, oh well precious, poison, lonely I'm always here feeling how I shouldn't thinking that I shouldn't I make friends with my love but an enemy of my heart trying so hard not to try so hard trying not to see the pattern but if you need me I'm here I'm always here precious, poison, lonely